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I have an interesting view on relationships for young believers, one that’s not popular and not easy to swallow. It’s a view that stems from my life experience.

During my early high – school years I was probably one of the most insecure, overly sensitive girls I think I’ve ever known. I felt ugly, undesired, unwanted and worthless amongst my peers. I was the centre of much ridicule, and rejected by many. This of course was covered up by a cheery smile, and a “I don’t care what people think of me, so I’ll act as mad as they assume I am” attitude.

No surprise then, when a young guy, a brother of a friend, started to take an interest in me, I was more than flattered. At a party where there was plenty of alcohol, a who-would-end-up-with-who expectation, and plenty of temptation, I let myself down in a way that caused me to carry around guilt and shame for a number of years after. Out of a desire to be accepted by these friends I had been drinking, joining in the sort of antics I knew wasn’t fitting for a Christian. It became apparent during in the evening that one of the guys liked me and we ended up kissing.

Far from being a romantic first kiss, I felt horrible after. It’s not something you can take back, a first kiss. The shame I felt for letting myself get into a situation that potentially could have led to something far worse was intolerable. Not only did I feel I had let myself down but I felt I had let my Father down too. If I had felt worthless before it was intensified after. True to form though it was pushed down and covered in the gloss of ever cheerful Kirsty.

On a mission trip three years later a bunch of us girls were sharing our testimonies and the whole story came out. I hadn’t realised how much of a burden and a hindrance it had been to me until I was sharing it. The girls prayed for me and I was set free from the shame  I had been carrying around.

Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.  Song Of Solomon 2:7

I believe there is a lot of wisdom in not dating, in waiting for the guy/girl that God has in mind for you, and in not chasing the same things that the world chases after. Paul wrote to the Corinthians a large quantity of advice about relationships in 1 Corinthians 7. He mentioned it being better for people to remain unmarried and serve God wholeheartedly. My understanding and my hope is this, that in focusing on the Lord and committing myself to serving Him if or when I get married it’ll be to someone who is as involved and as focused as I am, a partner in the work we’re called to.

Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers.  2 Corinthians 6:14

There is also a lot of wisdom in not accepting the first Christian guy/girl who comes along. I’ve seen marriages between Christians where one of the partners has had to compromise their beliefs in order to please the other spouse, and thus putting their relationship with God second to their relationship with their husband/wife.

But this I say, brethren, the time is short, so that from now on even those who have wives should be as though they had none,  those who weep as though they did not weep, those who rejoice as though they did not rejoice, those who buy as though they did not possess,  and those who use this world as not misusing it. For the form of this world is passing away.  But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord.  But he who is married cares about the things of the world—how he may please his wife.  There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world—how she may please her husband.  And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distraction. 1 Corinthians 7: 29 -35

Focus on the Lord, don’t worry and don’t be distracted because time is short.