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It is common to hear people refer to a man’s responsibility to “pastor” his family or be a shepherd to his wife. But is that what God really wants?

These are some thoughts on the topic that I wrote down after praying that God would help me to be a good shepherd to my wife — even before I was married. I felt challenged instantly by the Spirit of God over that prayer. This is what I came away with after that experience.

God does not call a man to be a shepherd to his wife. He calls him to be a husband to his wife.

A shepherd may care for his sheep very much, but in all actuality, it is not a full time job. He leads the sheep to pasture. They wander around and graze. He watches out for their general welfare, but it on a general basis for the most part. He may leave the 99 to search for the 1, but those 99 are (practically) without a shepherd when he’s out sheep hunting.

God calls you to be a husband to your wife. Husband means full time job.

Husband supercedes any other earthly relationship.

Husband supercedes any other calling.

Husband supercedes every other responsibility except your direct responsibility to God.

Only the intimate fellowship of God to man takes precedence over the responsibility and relationship of husband to wife, and God will not cause or expect a man to violate the principles in His Word regarding this relationship. Rather, He will hold every husband accountable for the degree to which he obeyed or disobeyed the statues governing the role he accepted in marriage.

Wives are to be included in every area of the man’s life.

One of the first things that popped into my mind during this time was, “Yes, but what about the apostles and all the trips they went on, leaving their families?” The Spirit came right back and said, “They took their wives with them!” The scripture that came to mind to support this was when Paul speaks to the Corinthians and says, “Don’t we have the right to take a sister, a wife along with us like the rest of the apostles, the Lord’s brothers and Cephas (Peter)?” (1 Cor 9:5) Indeed, far from leaving their wives in pursuit of serving God, these holy men of God seemed to believe that taking their wives along with them was of the utmost importance.

Look at the flip side. How many families have been lost, and how many marriages have been damaged by men who gave only surface recognition to their responsibility to their wife?

Husband equals husband, nothing else.